The Wrath of Gheb
by Hammerschlag
Summary: Trollfic. Gheb, a boss-level haxor, delivers a giant sack of pwnage to the world of Fire Emblem: Heroes. Did I mention this is a trollfic?


**So, I just read some old Gheb trollfics and laughed hysterically. I realized then that I never written one of my own, so I'm doing it now.**

 **Man, I really have to replay Gheb Saga…**

* * *

 **GAME START**

The supreme master of the universe, the omnipotent, omniscient, nigh-omnipresent Gheb, had been summoned to the realm of Heroes to destroy the Emblian Empire once and for all.

"Yo ah be here fo' yo' reckoning lil ones. Yo' fan service has done shamed dis here franchise!" the God of Pwnage said as he stormed onto the battlefield.

"Oh no, not him again," Ephraim shuddered, recognizing the beast who, when the King of Renais faced him years ago, only spared him and his army because he got bored.

"Call the other warriors!" Alfonse shouted and hundreds of green-shaded characters appeared at his side, bearing blank expressions and seeming to be unable to accept commands.

"What the fuck?" Roy fumed, "why can't we control or communicate with those idiots?!"

"This is a bootleg copy of the game. Every summon after the first 5 becomes a shitty NPC!" Alfonse responded.

"Damn it!"

"Behold muh motha truckin powah, yo' lil diaper stains: ZA WARUDO!"

Suddenly time froze. Only Karel the Supah God Sword Demon, with his shadow magic, found himself able to move.

"IT'S RAEP TIEM!" Gheb shouted and spun forward axe-first with all his might, cutting through all the pitiful fools who stood in his way, starting with Ephraim. Karel managed to move out of the way in time, but three quarters of the NPC's had been struck by Gheb's supah axe.

"Nahn secons done pass," Da beast laughed as time resumed and all the playa's he struck faded.

 **Player: Eph_U_m8 has been killed by Player: GHEB**

 **Mod: Alfo_dogg86 has been killed by Player: GHEB**

"Tyme ta die, mutha trucka," Gheb leveled his massive weapon at Karel, who was readying his own haxed sword.

"U wot m8?" Karel growled and charged the axe god with all his might. He struck the middle of his opponent's chest, but while Karel's strength hax were expert-level, Gheb's defense hax were god-level. Gheb struck back, but his strength hax was on par with Karel's defense hax and, while it did send him flying back, it did no real damage. Karel then pulled out his trump hax.

"CHENJI FOMU!" Karel shouted as he began to emit a black firey aura. His eyes turned red, his skin orange and his hair into some sort of blond alien creature.

"I am the Sword Demon, fake news. My hax are the best ever that the world has ever seen," Karel laughed and charged.

"Yo' don' trucked up naugh mutha trucka! Imma raep yo' scrawny ass ta tomorrow wif mah god hax!" Gheb responded and met Karel's Prez Blade with his Raep Axe. An explosion resulted from the connection of the two haxed weapons, killing moar NPCs. The blast also damaged the fabric of reality somewhat, so hax powers were temporarily nixed, at least for Gheb. Karel, however, was a mod and had access to forbidden super hax. He summoned a bunch of worker NPCs wearing sombreros and ordered them to build a giant wall. Seeing this hyper triggered Lyn, one of the female players.

"How dare you use those people to do your dirty work you deplorable, Hitler, racist, bigoted, sexist, Hitler, rapist, Milo, Nazi, pig, white male, misogynist, Hitler, evil, white supremacist, transphobic, Hitler, Ben Shapiro, Islamophobic, cisgendered, Hitler–"

"Alright, I've had enough," Karel rolled his eyes and used moar of his mod powers, distracting him from an oncoming axe blow from Gheb.

 **Player: SuperLyn03 has been renamed to StupidBitch02**

 **Player: StupidBitch02 has been banned from the server.**

 **Mod: KDemon has been killed by Player: GHEB**

"Who's da demon now, biatch!" Gheb laughed as all the hax reenabled themselves.

It was at this point that Roy decided to play hero, even though he was a hopeless noob with absolutely no skillz, so when he attacked with his iron sword, absolutely nothing happened. Gheb's laugh loudened to a full guffaw as he flicked Roy on his forehead, sending him spiraling back.

"Go back to Lil' Lilina an' beg fo' her help, yo' nooby foo'."

"No! I'm tired of being the weak one!" Roy raged, "Hax mode: on!"

The Pheraen pulled out a phone that was connected to the Fourth Wall and punched in a series of codes.

 **Player: OurBoy69 has entered GodMode.**

"Whatchoo jivin' about, foo'?" Gheb put his hands on his hips as Roy charged up a newly-summoned Sword of Seals, bolstered by all the cheat codes he knew, and launched a massive fireball toward his opponent. It managed to send Gheb to the floor for a moment, but it did not do any lasting damage. Gheb then grunted and revealed HIS trump hax:

 **Player: GHEB has entered Supah_Ebonics'd_GodMode**

"It's ovah foo'. Tyme ta die!" Gheb swung his axe fiercely at Roy, sending him flying. The noob's GodMode hax was keeping him from dying, but that's all. He was powerless against the might of the almighty Gheb, Lord of Fatness, Haxing, and everything else in the game world… save fitness. Eventually, the power being hurled around caused another temporary hax-failure, only this time it only affected Roy, enabling Gheb to noscope him with a finger.

 **Player: OurBoy69 had been killed by Player: GHEB**

"Total pwnage! Tyme to move on ta da nex–"

Suddenly, there was a great quake. The sky turned dark and a demonic choir begun to sing,

"Holy Beard, Holy Beard, All Hail the Holy Beard, Lord of all Hax:"

 **Admin: AXHAX420 has joined the server**

The Ultimate God of Beards, the master of Haxors, the man with a beard the size of a mountain and balls harder than steel, the almighty admin of everything in existence, Hector appeared wielding #thunderhax… also known as Armads.

"You fools! Your hacks have damaged the fabric of the server! It's time for a true God to step in." The Bearded Giant spun his axe above his head, causing him to hover and lighting bolts to descend from the heavens, killing all remaining NPCs. Using his spinning axe to propel him forward, Hector flew toward Gheb, then brought his axe down, slicing his opponent in half.

"Gemu… oba!" the haxor with the axor said and looked proudly toward the sky, almost missing Gheb's regeneration.

"Yo' think yo' can defeat me wif baby hax? It'll take uh lot mo' dan dat, ol' nigga!"

"Omae wa mou shindeiru," Hector said and began to walk away.

"Nani?" Out of nowhere came a red glow and a high pitched noise.

"Aw yo' gots ta be kiddin' me!" Gheb shouted as he exploded.

 **Player: GHEB has been killed by Admin: AXHAX420**

 **GAME OVER**

 _ **You have been killed by Admin: AXHAX420**_

 _ **Insert coin to respawn**_

 _ **5**_

 _ **4**_

…

…

…

 _ **Command Accepted: Free Unlimited Respawns Now Available**_

* * *

 **#sorrynotsorry**


End file.
